Christmas Lights

            It was the closest thing to a family tradition we had.

I have this memory, a memory of togetherness: It wasn’t every year since I was born or anything, but it was consecutive for about 4 years there; mostly 2^nd through 6th grade (ish), I think.  Dad tried hard to keep us happy, and often we didn’t notice.  Every year around Christmastime, when Yuma began to light up around dark with strings of bright bulbs and tall trees, we went to two specific neighborhoods to look at the lights. 

The first was “Candy Cane Lane”.  It used to be in the newspaper for being the largest display in Yuma.  We always drove the family car really slowly around the block and looked at the Santas and snowmen and reindeer.  Usually my sister and I would find something to argue about in the car.  We rarely got along during our childhood.

The Klein Electric Company had a spectacular display each year for Christmas.  Their driveway is “U” shaped, and cars would line up around the block to go through.  Such a simple activity, yet so looked forward to.  Usually, the Kleins had a pile of “snow” for the kids to run and climb in.  I don’t think our parents ever let us do that.  Mexicans don’t do cold. 

For a few years there, Dad really involved my sister and myself in the Christmas-tree shopping.  Once, I wrote down “Noble Fir” on December 1^st of my calendar for the next year, so we would remember what kind of tree we bought and we would be prepared.  Dad also screwed these hooks into the perimeter of the roof so that we could easily hang lights up every year.  I think the last time we hung Christmas lights was 2001.  I remember getting picked up for my winter formal in 2002 and not having any lights up.  Dad died in 2005.  My first Christmas home from college, 2006, we had a Christmas tree for the first time in 4 years. 

Christmas lost its glow for my family slowly over the period of several years.  Maybe it never really was what it was supposed to be.  We have pictures from when I was really little, of us opening presents and sitting on Santa’s lap.  It’s like my parents tried for a few years, but then things got too hard, and so we became a dysfunctional group of people who lived under the same roof. 

Even when I was that little kid in the backseat of the car, going through the Christmas light display, I wasn’t in the present moment.  There were always questions in my head, always thoughts rolling around, plans being made.  Or maybe they were wishes.