18765432 Different Ways

#keepcalmWRITEon Day 14

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When we're stressed, we really don't want to hear, "You need to relax a bit."

When we're thinking, we don't want to hear, "Are you okay?"

When we've had a long day and are fighting to not show it on our face, we dont want to hear, "What's wrong?"

See, sometimes our face looks like that because on the inside, our brain is going in 22 directions at once.

Sometimes, it's all we can do to keep our balance amidst the ebb and flow and weight of our own thoughts.

Sometimes, it's hard to make a decision because our over-sensitive brains see 18765432 different ways to solve a problem, but we don't want to be judged, so we keep our opinions to ourselves.

Sensory overload is like being on a super-fast Ferris Wheel, while eating an entire pizza as fast as you can, while trying to count each individual light whizzing by and trying to sing the national anthem, all at once.

It's needing to be in a quiet space NOW, RIGHT NOW, so that your head doesn't explode.

It's throwing your hands up in the air because you can't get a grip on anything anyway.

It's sneaking outside to the 15-degree back patio to let the cold air slow your thumping heart.

Sometimes being an introvert makes us come off .... high-strung.

In reality, it's just exhausting to be around people all the time.

We all have our things.

Sabbath?

12/4/16

(Okay, it’s actually 12/5…it’s 1:30 am again. I’ve gotta stop doing this.)

Short nights, long days. 

Writing, sleep, coffee.

Alarms, church, extroverting (ugh!).

Rehearsal, directing, praying, advising.

Running, breathing, enjoying sunshine.

Eating, chatting, catching up.

Paying rent, buying shoes, back to church.

Singing, praying, sitting still (!) …

Driving home, drinking hot chocolate.

Reading, lounging, uploading pictures.

Overall, a restful (I know, I know..my definition of “rest” is awkward…) Sabbath.

Enter: Wasting probably too much time on social media.

Trying not to fall into the trap of:

Comparison, gossiping, judging…

Hating, envying, discriminating…

Hyper-planning…

The little voices telling me to go creep on my past (anyone??).

Measuring my life using someone else’s yardstick..

Contemplating how to make my yardstick look like a more accurate instrument of measurement than someone else’s.

Putting pressure and guilt on myself for not following through on goals and dreams.

Updating cover photos like it’s important.

Overthinking how I present myself to the world.

Enter: Decision to stay off social media for the rest of the week (other than posting writing updates).

(Question: Ok, but why does there always have to be an exception?!?!)

Rest

Today I got to see my friend at rest. 

This lady is never at rest, at least not that any of us ever see.  She spends her days thinking up what she can do to help others, how she can meet another need.  She’s been referred to as a “miracle worker” in our community.  She shares with me that she is not a miracle worker, but knows who is, and has amazing friends.

I feel blessed to be counted as one of those friends.  In these days, when I’ve been focusing more than ever on the moment at hand, and taking deep breaths, and just enjoying, one of the things I’ve discovered is that I am counted a friend to so many people.  It sounds basic, but in the now-normal hurry and hustle of life, this little tidbit is one I have missed all too often.  This ignorance has led to years of moments filled with worry and anxiety, and mistrust and envy of other people.

It is only when we stop and breathe deep, that we give ourselves the chance to see everything that’s already around us.  For me, lately, this has taken the form of seeing my friends, knowing they love me for who I am, and appreciating their companionship.

           With rest, comes the opportunity to look at someone in the face and truly paint a picture in our hearts of who they are.  My friend today, for example, looked so serene and beautiful while she just sat on my couch and shared some stories with me from the last couple weeks. 

I never get the chance to just sit on my floor and listen to a friend talk.  And when I stop and rest, I realize that it is not that I am not getting the chance; it’s actually that I’m not giving myself the chance. 

This week, I want to make a conscious effort to give myself more chances for breathing, more chances for rest.  After all, “Life is not an emergency.” (Voskamp)