"Gilda"

3 Nov 2013

 

Gilda means “God’s servant”.

I learned this in high school, in my freshmen Morality class (I went to Catholic high school), although now I can’t remember what language that meaning has its origin in (I think it’s Gaelic).

Looking back now, I know it was divinely appointed for me to learn the meaning of my name at this specific time of my life.  Think about it: the beginning of high school is when our independent identities start to set in; yes, it’s when we start rebelling against our parents, and talking back a little more than usual, but really, it’s because our adult personalities are starting to form.  At 14 or 15, we are old enough to start forming our own opinions, and pay attention to the world around us; we are no longer “kids”, both in our own minds and in the minds of those who start giving us more responsibility and holding us accountable for our choices.

So for me to learn, even if on the most superficial of levels, that I was made to serve God, changed everything.

 I say this now, without even having thought about it before! I think this knowledge, of what my name means, in one of probably hundreds of interpretations, subconsciously set me up for life.

I carried that label with me proudly for a couple of weeks after learning about it.  And then, I think it just settled into my soul.

My high school had a community service requirement worked into the curriculum; each student had to complete a certain amount of community service hours during each school year, or by graduation.  I threw myself into that.  I spent my Spring Breaks working the Knights of Columbus food booth at the county fair; over the summers I found festivals to work at, and over winter break, I decorated churches for Christmas.  I know I exceeded the requirement my school set forth.

But I know I struggled with wanting to “serve the most” and “be recognized for all the hours I put in”.  I know now that I was a very insecure teenager, and wanted desperately to be admired for something, anything.

 

I know now that back then, even though I was serving because it was what I was supposed to do (for God and people), I wasn’t serving because I wanted to hear God say, “Well done.”

 

I wanted to hear people say it.

 

And even though I am so grateful that I spent my teenage years looking for ways to help other people, instead of dozens of negative activities I could have taken part in; even though I now see how I spent my teens practicing for my adult life, for the time I spend now in the service of others; even though I love that at the age of 14, I had already decided that I loved to help, and that I loved people;  I know I still struggle with this recognition thing today.

 Lately, I’ve been bothered by the fact that I “haven’t found a place to serve in the church.”  I think it’s a mixture of pressure from the Christian society (to find my “ministry”), and pressure from myself to “be a leader”. 

 I’m learning that this is split-thinking. 

I can’t be a servant if I want to be a leader.

I’m reading through “The Purpose-Driven Life” right now with a friend, and the last few days’ chapters have been about serving, and how it is part of our design.  It’s been really eye-opening, and at times, nauseating, because it’s been shedding light on the parts of myself that are really ugly and that I don’t want to see.

 

I have learned that I am petty and competitive and that I compare my service to that of others.  I have learned that I am panicky and envious and that I “want to be seen” and “want to be associated with” and “want to be known for” serving in a certain setting.

 I want to hold on to the memory of learning what my name means as a high school freshman, and use that knowledge correctly now, for the first time ever.  I know I have always had the right intentions, so I will try not to beat myself up too much. 

 
But from now on, I want to enter into true servanthood. 

 

Salina Journal Article: Grenada

I was asked to write an "overview" of our Grenada mission trip for the Salina Journal.  Here is what I submitted:

        

 

  "Over 500 people received free medical care on the little island of Grenada during the last week of February.  The occasional bag of fresh mangoes was presented to the team in humble appreciation from locals who had received care or medicine.  The team consisted of one physician and a medical student, along with three nurses.  Even the honor of being featured on a segment of the local news was not enough to distract the team from their purpose, or from the other 30 individuals who traveled alongside them. 

            Salina’s own Emmanuel Foursquare Gospel Church sent a team of 35 individuals, ranging in age from 22 years to 71, down to Grenada, an island of the West Indies in the Caribbean, to serve, love, and minister to the local people.  This was the 18^th year that Emmanuel has sent a team to a different country. 

            Over the course of 6 days, the team covered dozens of miles on foot to meet the locals and invite them to the free medical clinics.  They spent their days in the sun learning how to mix concrete and mortar by hand on a construction site, alongside the local construction workers.  Their mission? To completely paint an entire concrete building, as well as to construct a retaining wall to border the grounds. 

The task seemed daunting on Day One, but the team quickly proved that by dividing and conquering, many of the little details could be taken care of.  Power tools were not a luxury the team had available to them; rather, individuals used pieces of cinderblock to sand down the concrete wall before painting, and climbed a 20-foot tall wooden ladder in order to reach the highest corners of the church walls.  Several individuals took turns pouring buckets of water into the sand/concrete mixture while 3 to 4 individuals used singular shovels to create the sticky mixture that would be the foundation for the wall, and hold the cinderblocks together.  At the end of the week, the entire church was painted, inside and out, including the high ceilings, and the retaining wall was off to a remarkable start.

Many individuals on the team served double-duty, assisting with the Children’s Fun Day on Saturday morning, making balloon animals, painting faces, telling stories, and playing games.  The evangelism team was able to reach dozens of people and talk to them about the reason for the team’s visit to the island: the Heavenly command to go, love, and serve. 

The team would like to thank everyone in the community who helped make this trip possible by participating in the 5k Before Christmas Run, buying their World’s Finest chocolate bars, and attending their comedy dinner theatre performance.  "

Rest

Today I got to see my friend at rest. 

This lady is never at rest, at least not that any of us ever see.  She spends her days thinking up what she can do to help others, how she can meet another need.  She’s been referred to as a “miracle worker” in our community.  She shares with me that she is not a miracle worker, but knows who is, and has amazing friends.

I feel blessed to be counted as one of those friends.  In these days, when I’ve been focusing more than ever on the moment at hand, and taking deep breaths, and just enjoying, one of the things I’ve discovered is that I am counted a friend to so many people.  It sounds basic, but in the now-normal hurry and hustle of life, this little tidbit is one I have missed all too often.  This ignorance has led to years of moments filled with worry and anxiety, and mistrust and envy of other people.

It is only when we stop and breathe deep, that we give ourselves the chance to see everything that’s already around us.  For me, lately, this has taken the form of seeing my friends, knowing they love me for who I am, and appreciating their companionship.

           With rest, comes the opportunity to look at someone in the face and truly paint a picture in our hearts of who they are.  My friend today, for example, looked so serene and beautiful while she just sat on my couch and shared some stories with me from the last couple weeks. 

I never get the chance to just sit on my floor and listen to a friend talk.  And when I stop and rest, I realize that it is not that I am not getting the chance; it’s actually that I’m not giving myself the chance. 

This week, I want to make a conscious effort to give myself more chances for breathing, more chances for rest.  After all, “Life is not an emergency.” (Voskamp)