Desert Diaries, Volume 2

I originally wanted to write EVERY SINGLE DAY during this trip.
Yeah, that hasn't happened.
Today, I'm thinking about all the ways I've handled different situations while on this trip.
One of my church friends/mentor ladies told me (paraphrased) "There's going to be lots of ways this week where you will be tempted to respond like the old man inside of you.  Remember that it is now Jesus Christ who lives in you, not the old man."
If you know a little bit about me, you know that my family relationships/dynamics are not the most....traditional.  But I'm really proud of myself for the way I've handled myself and interacted on this visit.  I've helped redirect and de-escalate some conversations at home, and even had some damage-control-type input, here and there.  My mom and I have had some really grown-up conversations about life things, and we've never been able to do that before. I would always let my emotions get the best of me.  Now, I know how to manage them and put them aside, in order to see clearly while I'm in the moment.
I've been able to clarify some things with mom which are huge for my future, and my sister and I have been communicating and brainstorming all week about common goals we have for my mom and younger sister, as far as what we can do to help them.
The communication between my sister and I (don't know if that's grammatically correct---judge me)  feels pretty good.  We have had to communicate about schedules and plans, dinners, breakfasts, DIY projects at my mom's house, and midnight burrito runs.  She has also let me borrow clothes a few times while I've been here, because I'm a crazy minimalist hippie who brings nothing but a carry-on suitcase, and a tote bag full of books.  She has encouraged plans with my friends, and not been overly needy when she has been off work.  And we haven't killed each other yet.
While I don't have a smartphone to snap tons of pictures and post them immediately to Facebook, I have thoughts.  And, I have the ability to write those thoughts down.  Then, I take those thoughts and I look for patterns, and I see what I'm learning, and how it's growing me.  I pay attention to how I feel about each lunch/dinner/coffee/midnight burrito run date I make (midnight burritos are important here in Yuma, AZ).  I feel my feelings; i get excited to see old friends; i smile at people, i think about people, i wonder what i can do to help.
There's this Watermelon Man who sits on the corner with his little pickup truck full of watermelons for sale.  He waves at everyone who drives by, or stops at the stoplight.  Just a friendly wave.  When I see him, I remember, and I am thankful.
I remember growing up, and seeing random produce truck-stands, and knowing this is normal. I remember stopping at many a produce stand to buy corn, watermelon, or cantaloupe with my dad when I was a child.  I remember all of the people who surrounded me while growing up in this city.  I remember how I've always loved all of them, even the strangers.
It is SO the little things in life---and on a trip back home---that make you stop, take a deep breath, and smile.

Coffee Buzzed Thinkin'

Wednesday, November 07, 2012

 

I had a large coffee from Mcdonald’s tonight, between 7 and 8 pm, and I am buzzin’ and ready to take on the world.  It’s 10 pm.  I should be going to bed.  Between the recent time change (fall back), my hormones, my stress, my workout schedule, and my desire to read, damn it, read, and write, write, write, my sleep schedule is interesting, to say the least. 

I know I want to write, but I can’t decide about what.  I keep getting topic ideas during highly inappropriate times (youth group and work training seminars, for example), and then, I can never choose a topic from the topics list. 

Something I’ve been pondering lately is, “How am I gonna write everything out of my memory, and keep up with present stuff at the same time?”  I have to tell myself to take a chill pill.  I get really anxious about it (surprise, surprise), and I want to make sure I get EVERYTHING down.  I get all over the place and then I can’t decide what to write about.  It’s like having a plan hinders me and then I end up going all over the place.  But then I get mad because I didn’t stick to a topic or a plan, and then I feel disorganized, and that stresses me out.

So.  What to write about tonight? 

 Tonight, something sparked me at youth group.  One of our leaders was up speaking about how she does her daily devotional time, and she was telling us about how lately she’s been choosing a blessing from her life to thank God for and talk to Him about.  She told us that today, the blessing she had thanked God for was “not being blind”.  She said, “How bad would that be, to be blind?”  This statement sparked that slightly stubborn, argumentative side of me, the side that’s been like supportive of all people, and finding things to defend everywhere; the philosopher, the instigator. 

I kept thinking, “Well, what if the blind person you see on the street is blessed with gifts that we could not even begin to imagine?  Maybe it’s not so bad being blind.  How rude is it to say that it’s bad to blind?  What, you have to have eyes to see God’s creation and experience the beauty of it?”

Hmmmm.

Right?

 

(***I'd like to insert here that I have nothing against this particular person who made this statement; she presented some awesome ideas to our youth group!! This one statement she made just got me thinking, is all***)

It gets one thinking: What are our blessings that we take for granted every day?

But then it gets one thinking: What makes me think that my blessings are so awesome?  What makes me think that what I have is so much better than what anyone else has?

Since God works all things together for our good, it is only mature to realize and speculate about the fact that everyone has unique blessings, and unique ways of experiencing the world, and God.  I bet blind people are blessed through the other senses in ways that we are not; and maybe they don’t miss not being able to “see” with their eyes.  Maybe they feel sorry for us, for not being able to hear what they hear, or feel what they feel.  Maybe we’re the ones missing out.

I don’t think there’s anything particularly innovative or radical about my thinking here.  I just think that as human beings, we need to be a little more open-minded.  I wish we could get away from feeling sorry for people, and learn to just see the beauty in everyone as they are.  If we all spent a little more time learning one another’s stories, I think we could all just live in a more peaceful state of mind.  I don’t want to say, “put ourselves in each other’s shoes” because I don’t think that’s what I’m getting at.  And I don’t think we can necessarily do that all the time.  I just think that we need to keep in mind that what we see as a burden, might not be a burden to someone else; it may be their greatest enabler. 

Just because I have all my limbs and physical senses doesn’t mean I’m “complete”, and someone who doesn’t have their limbs, “isn’t”.  There is not just one meaning of complete.  There is not just one way to be whole.  There is not just one way of being human.  There is not just one way of being right.  There is no way of knowing what was “the way people were meant to be”.  The Bible says, “God created man”.  The Bible does not say “God created man with eyes to see and feet to walk”.  I think we need to just get over some things and experience our fellow man more fully.